18 weekS

salam,

entering 18 weeks now....changes of shapes here and there....adding 5kg in 2 months, what a healthy mommy i am....hehehhe

MR is back for good, skang tgh tunggu posting...hopefully dpt le skolah belakang umah hahaah....dream on! harapannyer dekat je lah....

what else? raya aji ok je, aku berkorban lah sket...ada rezeki baik salurkan ke jalan yang benar ye tak?

ingat nk g jengjalan...tapi weather seems not to agree with me..ujan je...wet and wet..

doakan aku sihat disamping the other one in me...and hopefully my baby girl and MR pun sihat gak...oh what a LIFE i have...i am so blessed!

---oh ya, yg sedeh2 tuh dh gone...hopefully takde la berulang kisah sedeh itu lagi ok, me tak tahan....---

apa lagi?

salam,
aku rasa sakit, buntu, benci, marah, geram, hangin, dan sebagainyer. i felt so sad of what happened to me last night. why is it need to be this way? what was my fault that i deserved this bullshit? aku dh bosan...bosan...Ya Tuhan...

everything i did is to make him happy...but all backfired me....stupid! why? apa lagi salah aku? gila ke aku bila aku kata aku mmg tak dihargai? ntahlah, bila kenangkan balik....macam hampeh je segala yg aku buat....back to trash...

blur? yes i am. aku buat tu salah, buat ni salah...tak buat apa2 lagilah salah! what the fucking hell was he thinking? this is absurd! really mind-blowing! who does he think he is? *^&^&%$%$^$^#^%^@^$*&%*&%*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

owh.....i wish i could stop the time n come back to myself for a moment....stop whatever that bothers me. Oh God...bless me with peace n patience..i need to go away....i need my space! i need myself!!!

---hampir gila aku---

sekali lagi...outdated.

salam,
ok ok, punya pemalas baru last week aku masukkan gambo ke dlm PC aku..n today i'm sharing some pics.


ok, ni hadiah untuk besday aku yg ke-28 ogos lalu...drpd my MR..

yang ni pulak.....


setelah sekian lama tak merasa KRR....muffins still taste the same...wah best!



akhirnya, aku jual jugak kancil kesayanganku ini...trade in for a better one...i guess! Love u Kanc...ko lah harta pertamaku...will never ever forget u..muahssss...(sebenarnyer nk nangis tapi malu pulak kat laki aku heheheh)

ok, guess that's it for today. will upload some more things yang happened in my life these days...

Beri Aku Erti

now is 12 noon. just came back from the multimedia office to get some pics utk dimasukkan ke buletin. tired....need air and need makan! hungry as well.

morning: makan mee hun sup yang pedas giller tapi sedap nk mampus! air teh o ais...juga sedap nk mampos!

pagi tadi sebelum g keje: makan roti dh n air teh o limau suam...masih hungry like a wolf (over ekkk....mmg pun aku lapo gillllleeeerrr!)
bersalaman ngn laki aku (as usual)...peluk cium coz he's leaving on a jet plane...jet plane jenama iswara yg bergerak kat jalan raya...hehheh....he'll be off back to terengganu darul iman...lonely again....for thousands of time....sad.....:(

emmmmmmmmmm................feeling a bit down just now....a bit tired and down...but hopefully will be fine by the end o the day.

jap g makan freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!yeah yeah!! ada jamuan lunch at 1pm....cant wait! melantak sambil bergelak ketawa! suka suka!!! i like!!!!

ok....now it's 12.15pm......nk sambung whatever keje yg tak tersambung lagi...kene settle before tomorrow....wish i have more time!

---my only love sprung from my only hate---

.....zzzzzzzzzzz............

ntah kenapa....ari ni sgt mengantuk! kalu ada bantal bucuk aku ni ada aku lena diulit intan dh ni...mata macam kene jahit je, susah betol nk bukak! hehehe...probably sbb i had a very good lunch n sgt kenyang! sgt suka ati! sgt perut buncit hahahha....

dari kerana mata yang mempunyai kuasa..oh aku tergoda,
aku tergoda terpejam mata...
dari kerana mata....

ahh well...better go n peep at the surau..see whether line clear o not...wakakkaa...

kerja yang tak sudah sudah

at this moment of time, aku still kat ump mengadap students yang tgh sibuk buat keje depa...me, the lecturer, sibuk melayan internet, mengabiskan waktu terluang...hahhahah....not that aku makan gaji buta ok, cuma menantikan depa wat keje mmg agak melambatkan mindaku ini....TELL ME MORE!!!!
even tho keje hakiki aku masih bercuti tapi keje sambilan tetap berjalan seperti biasa. yelah kene lah keje nk cari income lebeh, mana datang kete baru kalu duit bukan ribu-ribu? wah--sedap lak ayat aku ni..ada rhyme...ekekekeke....

so, looking at these future graduates makes me wonder...will they survive in this world? menaing to say bahasa depa not that good...ada yang ok tapi camne ek nk idup esp dgn depa yg amik engine ni...bahasa mmg plays an important role...i know, i've experienced it myself.

alamak, kepala udah pening, anak di umah dijaga sepupunya..kesian menangis tepi jendela melihat ibunya pergi berjuang..(syahdu nih...)

nurin...mummy g work ok, nak cari duit lebeh utk kita anak beranak...mummy sayng nurin tau!!

raya yang panjang

today is the 6th raya...aku still holidaying ekekekeek...class starts next week. raya tahun ni, cam biasa, meriah dan penat sbb aku raya kat umah mertua aku (menjadi menantu yg taat setia mengikut perintah tanpa membantah...baik tak aku? baik kan? kan? kan?)

this time around aku penat sket yelah perut bawak budak + bawak makanan hehehe...but all in all, raya is still the way it should be.

skang back to my awkward life...laki aku dh balik KT, finishing what he had started. tinggal lah aku dn anak daraku yg comel itu. penat usah cakap tapi biasalah, life goes on....

takde kene mengena ngn raya ok-----nak beli kete baru tapi duit takde...camne ekkkkk????????????????

hari yang ntahapaapa....

hari ni as usual, aku morning sickness...tapi ari ni pening tahap dewa2....aku mtk excuse ngn bos nk g klinik...then aku selamat balik umah dn membungkang sampai petang..mujur ilang pening (+ ilang gak pose aku...ngeh ngeh!!)

then laki aku kata dia nk bukak pose ngn cikgu sekolah dia, yelah final days are coming...kekngkonon nk farewell party lah tu..aku lak ada kelas malam..lagipun laki aku tak ajak pun (ish tak besh betol!)..

so balik ofis punched out..jemput nurin n off we go to wan's house..sbb nk mtk wan babysit nurin malam ni.

al kisah aku g lah isi minyak, duit dlm purse GUESS aku ada RM7 hinggit (sempat lagi nk berlagak ok!)...kononnyer sure je leh kuar duit kat ATM kat Shell tuh...nk dijadikan cerita ATM tuh haram takleh baca kad aku...asudah, nk byr guna apa ni? kad kredit bounced la pulak (heheheh bape bulan tak bayar daaaaaaa)....

last2 buat muka tak malu aku pinjam duit ngn kakak yg kebetulan satu keje ngn aku (camne aku tau dia satu ofis ngn aku...sbb anak dia kenal anak aku,,,ngeh ngeh)

muka selamba + malu tahap gaban aku berserah je lah....dpt gak pinjam RM50 hehehhe..

then dgn ributnyer aku g bandar nk kuarkan duit...tak pasal2 lak beratur pjg...yelah gomen dpt gaji + bonus ari ni (stupid me!!!!!)...jam dh 6.10pm, dh janji ngn mak aku nk beli KFC..mampos kene marah ni!

suspense.....tetiba kad mamat dpn aku takleh baca..oh GOD please i need that damn money of mine!!! aku pun tunduk ke Nurin n ask her to pray so that we could get out of this mess (yg aku bodoh tak hingat gaji kuar ari ni kenapa ek!)----rezeki Allah bagi gak duit keluar...heheheehehe.....

sampai KFC beratur pjg lagi (stupid for how many times i cant remember)...reason being...sbb whole Kuantan air tarak, so people sume kuar cari mkn...arrgghhhhh....stress level semakin menggaban!

at last with KFC in my hands, i drove like a mad man so that sempat buka pose (as if aku pose kan..hehehe)...sampai betol2 right after azan..mak aku dh muncung 14 inch hehehe...

by 8.00pm aku dh dlm kete g kelas...yelah what to do..commitments are everywhere...me being so stupid n unlucky today makes me sooooo tired....rasa nk tido je....hish....

what a day.....

aku tak suka!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!uweeeeekkkkkk!!!!!

5 coming 6 weeks this week....really an experience. but eventually i know that i am not that kind o person yang kuat, meaning to say aku ni lembik...uweeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkk! uweeeeeeekkkkkkkkk!! every morning...sick? sickening ok! trust me when i say morning sickness is the most sickening moment in a woman's entire life..

i really hope this time aku tak mabuk as before...siap masuk air lagi ok! dah lah bulan mulia ni xleh makan, one thing. mabuk lak, another thing. seriously aku takut sgt aku lembik tahap gaban/tenuk/cipan/tapir/dan segala macam tahap lagilah!

penat uuuuwwwwwwwwwweeeekkkkkkkkkkk.............................................................................................................................................huhuhuhuuuhuhhu...hanya KAU yang tahu....

one thing i discover, cravings mula start...i really enjoy the moment eating ice-cream...sundae strawberry mcD's mmg beshhh!!!!wah!

ramadhan

ramadhan datang lagi....
ari i ari kedua...semalam aku masak tomyam ayam, telur dadar, puding karamel strawberry + air teh (ingt nk wt air oren tp ujan, better minum air panas).
sorry lupa nk maik gambo semlm so korg bayangkanlah sendiri ok..

hehhehe....tuh je lah kot..aku harap ramadhan kali ini bertambah baik dr dulu...amin..

anak aku

ini lah anak aku yang terrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaammmmmmmmaaaaaatttttttt
ku sayang...

dia ni dah 2 tahun 4 bulan 21 hari...mulut ya amat keletahnyer...

--"mummy, ayah ni degil sgt kan?"
--"nape?"
--"ayah tak bwk beg cam uyin..cam mummy.."

dia suruh laki aku bwk handbag cam aku...ekekek...

ni lagi gambo2 dia ok.....

tears in my eyes

aku baca blog recommended by a friend o mine.

aku nangis...berlari lari masuk surau ofis...kang pe lak kata ofismate aku tetiba je aku nangis...

skang dh abis baca terus aku masuk blog aku..

apa yg aku dh buat? Ya Allah, ampuni lah dosa aku...

Nurin sayang, mummy loves u no matter what (even though mummy mmg garang cam singa lapo)

Nurin noty ke baik ke, mummy will always love u...coz u r my darling!

God let me be a good mom...a really damn good one!

Sentiasalah beri kesihatan kpd anak aku, ampuni dosa2nyer...

----I love my baby girl----

interruption...

in the previous entry aku ada membebel pasal kelembaban sekumpulan homosapien...tapi dgn berkat kuasa ILLAHI...akhirnya aku dpat pe yg aku nak..
at last i could enjoy holidays like other people do..but wait! this will come to end if and only if i received the official letter by 'mereka' ini.....
then a new day will be officially started....

demand? yeah..sounds like one...tapi hey i work hard for this ok, at least i need a reward for it...hhahhh

prob u guys would not understand..takpe let it be...at least i had voiced out my words....

HOLIDAY....here i come!!!!!!!!!!!!

lembab

apahal lah lembab sgt mereka ni? aku dh tak sabo sgt nk terima jawatan baru ni...dh bosan bekerja where else other people dgn suka2 ati bercuti mengabiskan boraih...uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bosan tahap gaban nk masuk tahap dewa2 dah ni! NTAHLAH APA NASIB AKU...mujur esok aku ada 2 day course..boleh lah menghilangkan tahap kebosanan aku yg dh masuk tahap kritikal. it is not the days i'm talking about, it's the procedures and the b%$#^^&^*(*( yg menjadikan aku lagi parah...bila org ofis tanya "u ada kat ofis kan cuti ni?" dgn sedih ati tapi dgn muka yg suka aku jawablah dgn tenang "ye...."

kenapalah mereka di sana tak paham keadaan org2 macam aku ni...?????

akhir kata...mereka ni lembab ke apa?

a sad and happy birthday

selamat hari jadi
selamat hari jadi
selamat hari jadi to myself
selamat hari jadi!!!!

huh....another additional year..i'm a year older..wah! sounds typical but mmg pun aku sudah ber'umur'...my birthday was last saturday, tak sempat nk meluahkan rasa on that particular day. i was in seremban attending my best friend's wedding (remember that movie julia roberts' was that bitch trying to steal her own bestfriend from another girl).....but this wedding mmg yang dinantikan oleh sume kerabat 5th.

my friends sume wished me happy birtday, but only one person yg i've been waiting for tak wish pun kat aku...sedey tak? aku sedey....uwaaaaaaaaaaaaa.........

and to my expectation, he forgot all about my birthday...can he? he did babe...he did not remember my day...double sedey...aku yg kene bgtau dia...from the genuine shock he gave, mmg dia lupa...apalah nasib aku dpt suami kayu cam dia ni? hahahaha...padan muka aku!

then dia ucaplah 'happy birthday sayang'....dgn muka selamba...dia kata dia lupa sbb byk bende dlm kepala otak dia+ dia demam....could that be an excuse? i dont think so! mana boleh lupa! aku kalu birthday dia, berbulan2 aku ingat..dalam phone siap buat reminder lagi....dia....dia takde pun nk buat tu sume....sedey tak? aku mmg tahap gaban dh sedey ni.....(dia buat muka dek jer.....)

bukan nk mengungkit but to me, wishing someone a happy birtday shows u do care about them, appreciate their existence in ur life and yg paling penting, to show how much u love them...agaknyer mmg ni takdir aku....oppsssss...nak menitik dah air mata nih!

but all in all, aku dh bertambah usia...tak kiralah apa pun yg berlaku, aku dh berusia setahun lagi tua dari tahun lepas....dan even though i'm one year older, i dont look old (wah!!!) and i do look gorgeous! hahahaha....itu yg penting!

to myself, happy birthday, may God bless and be gorgeous always...heheh :)

is ur life good enough?

salam
bila teringat kisah lalu, kekadang mmg sakit ati dibuatnyer. bukan tak setuju tapi keputusan amat tidak sesuai. ntahlah ek, life is unpredictable to predict. the more u want the less u get. sometimes i wonder (i like to wonder and wander...heheehh) how is it like to have another life, another job, another family...tapi bila ku pikir dalam2, tak payah lah, sbb ini yg terbaik yang Tuhan bagi pada aku, so aku kene jaga dan sayang kehidupan ini.

ni aku dapat dr email, a very good friend of mine bagi...

40 Tips for Better Life


1. Take a 10-30 minutes' walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Sleep for 7 hours.

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

5. Play more games.

6. Read more books than you did in 2007.

7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They
provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that
is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink plenty of water.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

18. Smile and laugh more.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Forgive everyone for everything.

26. What other people think of you is none of your business.

27. GOD heals everything.

28. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

29. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

30. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

31. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

32. The best is yet to come.

33. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

34. Do the right thing!

35. Call your family often.

36. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.

37. Each day give something good to others.

38. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

39. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.

40. Please tell this to everyone you care about. <---ni takde kene mengena sgt pun

hari yang bosan, perut yang kenyang

aku melantak tadi gila banyak...dh senak perut aku...dh kenyang...syukur. pastu aku balik ofis alahai bosannyer...rasa cam nk balik umah n tido...tu mmg seronok! aku suka!
aku ingt nk wat part time job...nk income lebih sket..bukan pe aku rasa cam tak cukup lagi gaji aku ni...bulan ni serius rasa cam air je duit aku....tup tup dh abis gaji aku walaupun separuh bulan pun tak masuk lagi....hehehee gila kan? dgn minyak naik, sume bende pun nk naik. pening kepala aku pkir camne nk cari duit lebeh ni...mengeluh banyak mana pun tak guna gak....hish hish hish....

sabo je lah....

Akhirnya

today is as usual as yesterday and the day before. my health is getting better, my life is becoming more real. actually i have nothing to share, just some silly thoughts in my head talking silly things. heheheh funny eh? there are a lot of things that i want to do but there are also a lot of obstacles i have to face..seeing it from my own perspective, hard and rough, but hey, who cares?

then i thought about death. 'orang yang bertakwa akan sentiasa ingat pada kematian'...hope i am one of them. i hope i can come clean before i go for good...

Ku sadari akhirnya kerapuhan imanku
Telah membawa jiwa dan ragaku
Ke dalam dunia yg tak tentu arah

Ku sadari akhirnya Kau tiada duanya
Tempat memohon beraneka pinta
Tempat berlindung dari segala mara bahaya

Oh Tuhan mohon ampun
Atas dosa dan dosa selama ini
Aku tak menjalankan perintahMu
Tak pedulikan namaMu
Tenggelam melupakan diriMu

Oh Tuhan mohon ampun
Atas dosa dan dosa sempatkanlah
Aku bertobat hidup di jalanmu
Tuk penuhi kewajibanku
Sebelum tutup usia kembali padaMu
Oh kembali padamu ohhh

~~~Ya Allah, ampuni dosaku, semoga aku ditempatkan di golongan orang yang beriman~~~

sakit

last weekend aku masuk hospital..severe vomiting, kata doctor. ntah kenapa aku sejak dua menjak ni...cepat benor sakit. really sucks. aku dh cuba bermacam ubat sampai akhirnyer aku termakan ubt yg buat aku lagi sakit..the migraine really is killing me. dunno how to cure it but will try the hardest to get rid of it.
penyakit ni membuatkan aku rasa rendah diri...masa aku masuk ward ari tuh, satu ward ngn ex-student aku...tetiba terasa betapa darjat tarak pakai bila sakit...tetiba aku teringan MATI. mmg betol lah, darjat atau pangkat tak memainkan peranan bila tiba saat tuh.yang penting amal ibadat kita...betapa kecil aku rasa diri aku ni..

bila sakit, baru aku sedar aku mmg lemah, hanya Tuhan yg mampu mengubat aku...hish..sedih pulak rasanye...

aku masih lagi sakit...tapi tak sesakit dulu...tapi masih lagi sakit....

KETULUSAN

Lebih dari cinta yang pernah kuberi
Lebih dari rindu yang pernah kurasa
Masih banyak waktu yang kan kujalani
Masih banyak rahasia kehidupan tuk kita

Aku akan selalu mencintaimu
Sampai aku tinggalkan dunia ini
Ketulusanku tak akan berubah
Walau kita tak mungkin untuk bersatu

Maafkan ku harus meninggalkanmu
Maafkan bila hatimu terluka
Tetapi hatiku hanya milikmu
Karena kaulah yang terbaik untuk diriku

Aku akan selalu mencintaimu
Sampai aku tinggalkan dunia ini
Ketulusanku tak akan berubah
Walau kita tak mungkin untuk bersatu selamanya

Aku akan selalu mencintaimu
Sampai aku tinggalkan dunia ini
Ketulusanku tak akan berubah
Walau kita tak mungkin untuk bersatu

Selamanya

~~~~~~bila aku dgr lagu ni, tetiba hati jadi sedih~~~~~~
the one you truly love never really leaves you

carrrrrrotttt slicceeeee

heheheh....leh imagine how carrot slice look like? oh wonderful beb...aku bantai dua slices lagi...paksa laki aku g secret recipe belikan aku (cam mengidam...nope i am positive i am not pregnant ok)!

dalam sedap2 makan kek ni, minyak naik lagi...kenapa jadik cam ni?takde sense of awareness ke mereka2 ni? nak bandingkan ngan negara lain mmglah senang, barang depa murah, makan murah..kita sumenyer mahal.nak beli spender pun mahal tau! hah amik ko.aku skang mmg serius dlm shopping (shopping pun skang kene serius, mana tak demam aku jadiknyer)...mana tidak, terlebih beli kang lari budget...bukan aku ni org kaya raya dermawan jutawan...konpem keje pun belom lagi..kesian kat aku...

sedihlah dgn keadaan skang ni.....ntah2 tak leh dh nak rasa carrot slice RM4.50 lagi pasni...uuuwaaaaaaaa........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yang berlaku

quite some time aku tak upload stories...well some stories are awesome some are really really bad..

ari tuh i went for this interview for DH skim. adus gila susah....aku pun rasa cam nk mati bila masuk bilik tuh mengadap this Datuk..tapi apakan daya..aku jawab je lah dgn harapan luluslah ia..sbb kalu aku fail..bermakna my career will end here...how bad does it sound? really bad i suppose.

second, my hubby wants another baby...hahah...mati aku lagi..bukan aku tak mau...it's just that i guess i'm not ready yet..for loads of reasons. susah lah, he's not here..and i dont think i can do it without him...

third, skang aku busy ngan marking papers..(in and out)..macam nak mati lagi...hahahaha..cam kucing lak byk nyawa...hopefully aku berjaya in whatever i'm doiing now...

penat tapi bahagia......

after a while,at last...

after so many months,akhirnya aku bjaya mghabiskn da final chapter of harry potter.rs puas ati mmg ada,to know what really is the story. Then setakat ari ni no big events after konvo n hari poli.br nk bnafas dh mula sibuk pb.ayoo wa penat woo! Tp xpe,as long as i feel happy dgn segala benda,ok la tu!(mimic saida af6,hahaha)

SEMPURNA

Kau begitu sempurna
Dimataku kau begitu indah
kau membuat diriku
akan slalu memujamu

Disetiap langkahku
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna.. Sempurna..

Kau genggam tanganku

Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

---a perfect song---

yesterday & today

salam..

yesterday mummy got migraine...after a while tak kene serang, finally it came out last night. adus sakit bukan kepalang, vomitted sooo many times. the girl tgk mummy sakit,pun acted sakit gak, makan nasik pun tak nak..what an actress! kesian gak tgk dia smlm, not much attention give to her tp nk wat lagu mana..mummy dia dh sakit kapla ahh....

probably sakit kepala sbb dapat gaji kot...hahaha...thinking that the money will all go to paying this paying that...last2 dpt ciput jer..nk shopping ke berlagak kaya pun tak sempat! hahahaha...

today, even though sakit kepala masih ada, i went to work jugak..malas nk stay kat umah (as if i can sit still!!)...lunch break...around town i went, pegi 3 different banks, paying 3 different debts hehehe....then kedai hardware beli some stuff for my home sweet home..

now i'm here in front of the conputer, typing things, although i know my words are not read by others...hah what the heck! who cares? at least i have a place i could write whatever i want!

oklah, mata dh mula sakit staring at this square thingy...bubyeeee!!!

DEBTS!! Hutang.....Uwaaaaaa.....nak nangis!!

yesterday i realised that i am living in a world full of DEBTS...!!! hahah, trust me when i say, i regret having this debts...all over me..night and day...arrrggggghhhhhhhh!!! stupid me!

but here are some tips (i browsed thru the Internet to find my own 'sanity') that i found...

8 milestones in your journey towards a debt free life: --hope these might help

- Study your credit report and evaluate your debt: The stepping stone to be debt free is to admit that you have debt, and are willing to be a free bird. Evaluate your credit report carefully and calculate the amount of debt you owe. The bill payment history in your report is a proof of how regular you had been during your past payments. Clear the accounts with the higher interest rates first. This will help you to save a lot of dollars. Without having a clear picture of your financial standing, it is very difficult to solve your problems.

-Budget your expenses and avoid adding even a single dollar to your debt amount: It's time you stop being a spendthrift. Change your spending habits. Keep a careful trace on the amount you earn and your basic expenses. Try and curtail your expenses as much as possible. This is all about changing your ways in life. By all means do not let a single dollar to be added to your already over burdened debt condition.

-Squeeze out extra money and accelerate your repayment: Curtail your present modes of lifestyle and shell out some extra dollars to your creditors in order to clear your debts faster. You can also try out a part time job and save some extra dollars. Take one account at a time. Clear your account with higher interest rates first. This will help you to save a lot of dollars.

-Choose the right method to clear your debts: There are various options for debt solutions. But selecting the right option is what matters most. You must be aware that one wrong step can ruin your future. The choice of your debt solution method should ideally depend on the type and amount of debt you are undergoing.

-Choose the right firm: very important for you to choose the right firm to seek help from.

-Eliminate credit cards: Close the account immediately once you have finished paying the debts for a particular credit card. Keeping the card with you can further cause temptation to use it. Never roll balances from one card to another as this has got some disadvantages. With every new card you have, you generate an outstanding open credit line. This will also be reflected on your credit report. Moreover, lenders might not allow you to roll your balances. Keep in mind that introductory offers are quite tempting but may not be all that good after a certain period of time. With careless moves you could be stuck with high balances. ---this i got to learn how...

-Be careful about the equity in your home: The rates on home equity loans are much lower when compared to the rates charged on outstanding credit card balances. Further the interest on a home equity loan may be deductible.

-Take professional help: Overspending for some people are a psychological problem. It can be a habit or an addiction like alcohol, gambling or taking drugs. Social problems like divorce and loss of a job or unavoidable emergencies like physical ailment can also be a cause. ---hopefully i'm still fine..

----HELP!!! S.O.S!!! again..uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh.....

Another New Phase Begins....

thinking about the future, i wonder what it's going to look like. reason why i said this; all the plans that we've made, need to be planned again.why? my partner is going to live far from me..he's pursuing his dream...and eventually i have to sacrifice a few things. make it this way..be hurt before you heal...

the truth is, i really don't share his passion..but because he really thinks this is the only way to survive, he'll do it anyway. yet i wonder live without him all the time. being alone with my baby girl really bugs me..scared? yes indeed. tortured? definitely a fact...i don't do well alone...but to have a better future (as he said it), i have to follow his lead..

one more thing...my resolution for 2008 has partially fulfilled...i finally bought my own house..i repeat..MY OWN HOUSE!!! another major phase...but not to share it everyday with my dear really hurts me..the enthusiasm runs sour...ahh well..at least i have a place i called home and a man i called husband...what else do i want?

al-Fatihah

yesterday a friend of mine called me and told me sad news, one of our best friend's father passed away yesterday morning. it was shocking for me, i just saw him last month. and to see him strong and healthy, i didn't know he was sick...and i know how it feels to lose someone u love...i've been there..to my friend, esma, it's GOD will..be strong and stay calm.. prayers will always be with ur father and ur family...may GOD bless.....

---when is our turn?---

al-Fatihah.....

sedia setia

aku rasa sedikit sedih dan terkilan. apakan daya aku, cuma manusia biasa yang punya hati dan perasaan, punya akal fikiran namun tidak mampu melawan. apakan daya aku insan yang sedia untuk setia namun senantiasa dilukai. bersediakah aku menjadi mangsa, mampukah aku melawan takdir? sedih dan pilu, namun kesedihan itu tidak membawa erti apa pun. kepiluan itu tidak memberi makna yang benar...perasaan aku tidak difahami sesiapa pun. kenyataan itu tidak ku mengerti.

betapa aku memang tidak mampu.....

Ketulusan Hati

Ketulusan Hati
Cintaku tak berdusta
Tak mengenal ingkar
Tak kenal nestapa
Cintaku hanya indah
Hanya bahagia untuk selamanya
Apa yang kurasakan ini
Persembahan untuk dirimu
Kau biarkan kasihku

Mencintaimu tak mengenal waktu
Tak mengenal puitis, hanya tulusnya hati
Mencintaimu tak mengenal ragu
Keyakinan hatiku hanya untuk dirimu selalu

Cintaku tak berdusta
Tak mengenal ingkar
Tak kenal nestapa
Tak ada seribu janji
Hanya bahagia untu selamanya
Apa yang kurasakan ini
Persembahan untuk dirimu
Kau benarkan kasihku

Mencintaimu tak mengenal waktu
Tak mengenal puitis hanya tulusnya hati
Mencintaimu tak mengenal ragu
Keyakinan hatiku hanya untuk dirimu selalu
Apa yang kurasakan ini
Persembahan untuk dirimu
Kau dengarkan kasihku